Being There For A Recovering Alcoholic Friend

Being a friend to someone recovering from alcohol addiction can be challenging, but you are in a unique position to help them. It's important to understand that addiction is a chronic disease and that your friend may feel frustrated, helpless, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, angry, frustrated. Recovery looks different for everyone and can be a long journey, so it's crucial to be there for your friend and provide support without taking responsibility for their sobriety. You can help by staying connected, being encouraging, and providing non-judgmental support. It's also important to look after yourself and set boundaries, as well as understand your friend's triggers and respect their feelings.

Understand addiction and the recovery process

Understanding addiction and the recovery process is an important step in being a good friend to a recovering alcoholic. Addiction is a chronic disease that can rewire the brain, disrupting its function and leading to dependency. It results in a distorted value system that shifts towards supporting ongoing substance use. It is important to remember that nobody takes a drug to feel worse, and most people use substances for the benefits, whether that be for relaxation, fun, curiosity, or to manage feelings related to grief, loss, anxiety, stress, or trauma.

As a friend, you are uniquely positioned to make a real difference. You know your friend better than most, and you can be a major source of support. However, it can be tough to understand addiction when you've never experienced it. Learning more about addiction can help you better understand what your friend is going through and why. Educate yourself on substance use disorder, interventions, treatment methods, and mental health terms to use and avoid. Recovery looks different for everyone and can involve a variety of help and support methods. Your friend may be trying to stop or cut back on their alcohol use without professional help, be in the middle of treatment, or be leaving treatment and in need of ongoing support.

Relapse is not uncommon, and it does not mean that treatment has failed. If your friend relapses, ensure they are okay, as their tolerance may have dropped, and provide encouragement. Recognize their feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, and frustration, and let them know you are there for them. Understand their triggers and respect their feelings if they want to avoid certain people, places, or activities. Finally, remember that their sobriety is not your responsibility, and make sure to look after yourself and set boundaries if needed.

Communicate your support and encouragement

Communicating your support and encouragement to a friend recovering from alcoholism is a delicate but important task. Here are some ways to do this effectively:

Understand the Challenge

Recognise that recovery from alcohol dependence is a long journey that often involves setbacks and challenges. Understand that your friend may be dealing with feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, and frustration. They may also be navigating other issues that were previously masked by their substance use. Educate yourself on substance use disorder, interventions, treatment methods, and mental health terms to use and avoid. Understanding the broader context of addiction and recovery will help you provide more informed and empathetic support.

Offer Non-Judgemental Support

Let your friend know that you are there for them without judgement. Remind them that they are valued, courageous, and not alone in their recovery journey. Encourage them to connect with professional treatment supports, and offer to help them take the first steps, such as making initial phone calls or attending the first appointment. Remember that recovery looks different for everyone, so try to be patient and respectful of their process.

Communicate Positivity

Remind your friend that recovery is possible and that acknowledging an addiction takes courage. Encourage them to continue fighting their addiction, even during challenging times. Share your pride in their progress and remind them that lapses or relapses are normal and can be learning opportunities. Help them view their addiction alongside other chronic diseases, like diabetes, which sometimes involve setbacks. Encourage them to modify their treatment plan if needed, such as staying longer or trying a different approach.

Respect Boundaries

Understand that your friend may want to avoid certain people, places, or activities that could trigger cravings or remind them of their drinking habits. Respect their feelings and work with them to find new activities to replace old ones. Additionally, ask them if they are comfortable with you sharing information about their recovery with others or on social media. Respect their privacy and maintain discretion.

Focus on Your Friendship

Remember that your friend is still the same person, despite their struggles with addiction. Continue to connect with them over shared interests such as sports, gaming, or music. Help them feel valued and understood by focusing on the aspects of your friendship that have nothing to do with their recovery.

Prioritise Self-Care

Supporting a friend through recovery can be emotionally challenging, so it's important to prioritise your own well-being. Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy. Join support groups for friends and family members of those struggling with addiction to gain a sense of community and perspective. Remember that your sobriety is not your responsibility, but you can still be a supportive friend while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Avoid being overbearing or controlling

While supporting a friend through their recovery, it is important to avoid being overbearing or controlling. Here are some ways to do that:

Understand their feelings

Recognise that your friend is dealing with a substance use disorder and the stigma of addiction. They may feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, angry, or frustrated. They may also be dealing with other issues that were previously masked by their substance use. Understand that they may feel lonely or isolated, and let them know that you are there for them if they need help or want to talk.

Respect their boundaries

If there are certain people, places, or memories that your friend wants to avoid because they associate them with drinking or using, respect their feelings. Do not pressure them to engage in activities that make them uncomfortable. Instead, work with them to find new activities to replace old ones.

Avoid enabling their addiction

Enabling involves protecting your friend from the consequences of their drug or alcohol use, making it more comfortable for them to continue using. For example, bailing them out of jail after they have been arrested for drunk driving. While you may have good intentions, enabling can negatively impact both your friend and yourself. It prevents your friend from facing the negative effects of their addiction, allowing it to worsen.

Focus on encouragement, not control

Instead of trying to control your friend's behaviour, focus on providing encouragement and support. Remind them that they are valued, courageous, and not alone in their recovery journey. Help them connect with professional resources and support groups that can provide additional support and guidance.

Take care of yourself

Supporting a friend through recovery can be challenging and emotionally draining. Make sure to prioritise your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in self-care activities, seek support from others, and set clear boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Be mindful of triggers and respect boundaries

It is important to understand the triggers that could cause your friend to relapse. People, places, or memories once associated with drinking or using drugs can trigger the brain to crave substances. If there is something you both enjoyed doing together but your friend wants to avoid it, respect their feelings. If they are open to it, find new activities to replace the old ones. For instance, if you used to go to a bar together, suggest going to a cafe or a park instead.

It is also important to respect your friend's boundaries. Their recovery is not a topic for social media. Ask them if they are comfortable with you sharing their journey with anyone else or on any platform. If they are not comfortable with you sharing their story, respect their privacy.

If your friend is actively using substances or alcohol, you may need to limit your contact with them for your own well-being. However, be careful not to make them feel like an outcast as this can lead to feelings of shame and make them less comfortable reaching out for support.

As a friend, you can play an important role in helping your friend recover from addiction. You can support and encourage them to get the help they need. Remind them that recovery is possible and that they are courageous and valued. Offer to help them take the first step by making the initial phone call or attending the first appointment with them.

However, remember that their sobriety is not your responsibility. You cannot force a friend to stop using alcohol or drugs. Instead, convey your concerns and let them know that you are willing to be their recovery support.

Take care of your own well-being

Being a friend to someone in recovery from alcoholism can be challenging, and it is important to take care of your own well-being during this process. Here are some ways to do that:

Maintain your own self-care

Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental needs is crucial. Make sure you set aside time for self-care and activities that you enjoy. It is important to remember that your friend's sobriety is not your responsibility, and you should not neglect your own well-being.

Seek support

The recovery process can be emotionally draining, and it is okay to seek support for yourself. Consider joining support groups for families and friends of people in recovery. These groups can provide care and community as you navigate this challenging role. Additionally, seeking education and learning more about substance use disorder, interventions, treatment methods, and mental health can help you better understand what your friend is going through.

Set boundaries

It is important to set clear boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable in your relationship with your friend. Communicate your boundaries respectfully and maintain them. For example, if your friend is still actively drinking, you may need to limit your contact with them to take care of yourself emotionally. However, be careful not to make them feel like an outcast, as this can lead to feelings of shame and isolation.

Understand triggers

Recognise that your friend may still be dealing with triggers and the stigma of addiction. Respect their feelings and boundaries, and if they want to avoid certain activities or places that trigger their drinking, support them in finding new activities to replace old ones.

Be encouraging

Remind your friend that they are courageous and encourage them in their recovery journey. Let them know that you are proud of them and that recovery is possible. Offer emotional support and let them know that they are not alone.

Frequently asked questions