Arielle Cruz
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally, physically, and financially draining. It can take a toll on your mental health and well-being, and you may feel exhausted from having to pick up more responsibilities, terrified about the health and future of your alcoholic loved one, and sad and angry about the situation. It is important to understand that alcoholism is a disease and that the alcoholic is suffering from an obsession and compulsion that is beyond their control. While you may want to help them recover, they are unlikely to want to stop and accept help until they reach a crisis point. Therefore, it is crucial to focus on yourself and ensure you have a good support system. You can seek help from support groups, therapy, or trusted friends, and practice self-care by engaging in activities that make you feel good and taking time away from the alcoholic. Additionally, while you may want to protect your loved one, it is important not to enable their alcoholism.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Educate yourself | Learn about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options |
| Talk to your partner | Wait until they are sober, then calmly discuss your concerns about their drinking, providing facts about the impact of alcohol on the body and mind |
| Offer help | Encourage them to seek counseling, treatment, group meetings, etc., and offer to connect them to these resources |
| Consider an intervention | Various types of interventions and different approaches are available, and professionals can assist you with the process if necessary |
| Don't try to control or stop their drinking | You did not cause their drinking, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it |
| Don't cover up for them | It's not your responsibility to help them keep their drinking a secret |
| Don't enable their alcoholism | Enabling can include calling their workplace to give an excuse when they are intoxicated, bailing them out of jail for a DUI, or minimizing the impact of their drinking on your family |
| Focus on yourself and your household | Make your and your family's physical and mental health a priority |
| Learn to step back | Allow them to experience the consequences of their drinking, as they may need to hit ''rock bottom' before they seek help |
| Take time for yourself | Ensure you have a good support system |
| Seek help and support | Speak to family and friends, or contact a helpline for support and referrals to treatment facilities |
| Form a life independent from the alcoholic | Do things that make you feel good about yourself, keep in touch with family and friends, and find activities or hobbies you enjoy |
| Consider living separately | If your safety or well-being is at risk, consider moving out or asking your alcoholic spouse to move out |
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What You'll Learn
- Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox and treatment options
- Don't try to control or stop their drinking
- Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system
- Encourage them to seek help, but don't enable their alcoholism
- Consider an intervention, but be aware that it may take several conversations before they take action
Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox and treatment options
Educating yourself about substance use disorders is crucial when dealing with a partner's alcoholism. This knowledge will provide you with empathy for your partner's experience and valuable insights to guide your discussions and decisions. Here are some key aspects to focus on:
Diagnostic Criteria
Substance use disorder (SUD) is characterised by a problematic pattern of substance use that negatively affects one's health and quality of life. According to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), an individual must exhibit at least two symptoms over a 12-month period to be diagnosed with SUD. These symptoms span a spectrum of severity, with two to three symptoms indicating a mild disorder, four to five indicating a moderate disorder, and six or more signalling a severe substance use disorder.
Withdrawal Symptoms
Withdrawal symptoms arise when the short-term effects of a substance wear off, and the substance starts leaving the body. These symptoms can be extremely unpleasant and may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, sweating, difficulty sleeping, muscle cramping, and mood changes. In some cases, withdrawal can be life-threatening, so it is crucial to seek professional support during this process.
Detox
Detoxification, or detox, is the process of allowing the substance to leave the body. This is typically the first step in substance use disorder treatment. Depending on the severity of the disorder, a healthcare provider may offer medications to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms and make the process more manageable.
Treatment Options
There are various treatment options available for substance use disorders, including inpatient or residential treatment, outpatient treatment, individual therapy, medications, and support groups. Treatment options may vary in intensity, length, and types of therapeutic interventions. It is important to work with a healthcare professional to determine the most suitable treatment plan for your partner's specific needs.
Remember, while you can provide information and support, your partner must take responsibility for their recovery journey. Enabling their behaviour or attempting to control their drinking is counterproductive and can hinder their path to healing.
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Don't try to control or stop their drinking
Living with an alcoholic can be challenging and it is important to remember that you cannot control or stop their drinking behaviour. Here are some detailed suggestions to help you navigate this difficult situation:
Firstly, recognise that you are not responsible for their drinking. Alcoholism is a complex disease, and the decision to drink or stop drinking lies solely with the alcoholic. Trying to control or stop their drinking may lead to frustration and resentment on both sides. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries.
Secondly, avoid enabling their drinking behaviour. Enabling behaviours may include making excuses for their drinking, lying to cover up the severity of the problem, or providing financial support that indirectly enables their alcohol purchase. While these actions may be well-intended, they ultimately perpetuate the cycle of alcoholism and hinder the alcoholic from facing the consequences of their actions.
Thirdly, refuse to engage in arguments or power struggles centred around their drinking. Alcoholics may become defensive, irrational, or manipulative when confronted about their drinking. Avoid getting drawn into heated discussions or trying to reason with them while they are under the influence. Instead, remain calm and firm in your boundaries, and consider seeking professional support or counselling to help you effectively navigate these interactions.
Additionally, it is crucial to prioritise your own self-care. Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stressful. Ensure you have a strong support system in place, including friends, family, or support groups specifically for loved ones of alcoholics. Take time for yourself,
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Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and take a toll on your mental health. It is important to take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Here are some ways to do that:
Maintain a level of normality
Try to stick to a family routine as much as possible. Go to work, eat meals, relax, and go to bed at the same time every day. This can help provide a sense of stability and predictability during a challenging time.
Focus on yourself and your household
Prioritize your physical and mental health, as well as that of other household members affected by the alcoholic's behaviour. This may include seeking professional help or therapy for yourself and your family to process the impact of living with an alcoholic.
Form a life independent from the alcoholic
Engage in activities, hobbies, and social interactions that are separate from the alcoholic and provide you with a sense of enjoyment and self-worth. Regularly take time out and away from the alcoholic to focus on your own needs and well-being.
Seek help and support
Reach out to family and friends to share your experiences and gain emotional support. Consider joining support groups or seeking counselling services specifically for individuals living with or affected by an alcoholic. These can provide you with a sense of community and connection, as well as practical advice for dealing with the situation.
Ensure your safety
If you feel that you or others in your household are physically or emotionally unsafe, it is crucial to seek immediate professional support. Do not try to handle the situation alone. This may include contacting authorities or seeking temporary shelter if you need to remove yourself from the unsafe environment.
Remember, while you cannot control or cure the alcoholic's behaviour, taking time for yourself and seeking support can help you navigate the challenges of living with an alcoholic and prioritize your well-being.
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Encourage them to seek help, but don't enable their alcoholism
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and take a toll on your mental health. It can also be dangerous, as individuals who live with alcoholics are at a higher risk of abuse. It is important to understand that you did not cause their drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. Enabling an alcoholic involves behaviours such as covering up for them or making excuses for them. For example, calling their workplace to say they are sick when they are actually intoxicated or hungover, bailing them out of jail for a DUI, or minimising the impact of their drinking on your family.
Instead, you can encourage them to seek help by suggesting different treatment options. Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including the diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge can provide you with empathy for their experience and solid data to aid discussions and decisions. Wait until they are sober, and then calmly discuss your concerns about their drinking, providing facts about the impact of alcohol on the body and mind, as well as treatment options. Offer to connect them to resources such as counselling, treatment centres, group meetings, or a GP visit.
However, remember that the decision to seek treatment needs to be made by the person with the problem. You can provide support and be a positive influence, but you cannot force them to change. If they are not willing to get help, you may need to consider moving out or asking them to leave, especially if you feel unsafe. You can also seek help and support for yourself by speaking to family and friends or contacting a helpline for individuals and families facing substance use disorders.
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Consider an intervention, but be aware that it may take several conversations before they take action
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. It can be dangerous, and individuals living with alcoholics are at a higher risk of abuse and may develop unhealthy relationship qualities such as codependency. It is important to remember that you cannot cure your partner's alcohol use disorder, but you can provide information and support to make it easier for them to seek recovery.
Before an intervention, you should educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge can aid discussions and decisions. It is also important to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Do not blame yourself for your partner's actions, even if they try to place the blame on you. You should also ensure that you are not enabling their alcoholism. Enabling can include behaviours such as covering for your partner or making excuses for them.
If you decide to separate, there are several options to consider. If you are the breadwinner, you can choose to stay and have your partner move out, or you can allow them to stay in the house while you move out. If they agree to seek treatment, you may allow them to live in the house and help them pay rent.
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Frequently asked questions
Some signs that your partner may have a drinking problem include an alarmingly high tolerance for alcohol, major changes in their personality when they haven't had a drink, and irritability, lethargy, or anger when experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
It's important to understand that you didn't cause their drinking and you can't control or cure it. Focus on taking care of yourself and seek support from friends, family, therapy, or support groups. Encourage your partner to seek professional help, but don't enable their alcoholism by covering up their behaviour or making excuses for them.
You can express your concern for their safety and the impact their drinking is having on those around them. Offer to help them make an appointment with their GP or find a treatment plan. However, remember that you can't force them to change—they need to make the choice to seek help themselves.
Alcoholism, alcohol dependence, and alcohol addiction are recognised as alcohol use disorders (AUD) at the severe end of the substance misuse spectrum. It is characterised by an inability to stop or control drinking despite health, social, or professional consequences.
Living with an alcoholic can take a toll on your own mental health and well-being. It can trigger feelings of self-blame, attempts to control your partner's drinking, and enabling behaviour. Alcoholism can also lead to physical or emotional abuse, financial problems, and increased risk of substance abuse issues for children in the household.
