How I Helped An Alcoholic I Loved

am i responsible to save the alcoholic in my life

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or alcohol use disorder, affect not only the drinker but also their families and loved ones. It can be painful and frustrating to witness a loved one's drinking problem and the deterioration of your relationship. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for their behaviour, and that enabling them to continue drinking without consequences is not helpful. While you can encourage healthier coping mechanisms and set boundaries, you cannot control their behaviour or make decisions for them. Your role is to hold them accountable, support them in seeking professional help, and focus on your own self-care.

Characteristics Values
Alcohol abuse and addiction Alcohol use disorder
Impact Affects the drinker and their families and loved ones
Symptoms Craving beverages containing alcohol, drinking despite the damage to relationships, drinking more than intended, spending lots of time drinking or recovering from hangovers, repeatedly trying to reduce intake, failing to meet work or family obligations
Enabling Ignoring their behavior, giving them financial help, covering for them, making excuses, taking over their responsibilities
Not enabling Holding the person accountable, helping them find healthier ways to cope with stress, setting boundaries
Support Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline, Al-Anon, Alateen

cyalcohol

Alcohol abuse and addiction: Alcohol use disorder affects drinkers and their families

Alcohol abuse and addiction, also known as "alcohol use disorder", can significantly impact not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. Alcohol use disorder is characterised by changes in mood and behaviour, such as craving alcohol, experiencing alcohol withdrawal symptoms, and continuing to drink despite the negative consequences on relationships and other aspects of life.

The impact of alcohol abuse on families can be devastating. Loved ones may witness the alcoholic neglecting their responsibilities, encountering financial and legal difficulties, or even engaging in abusive behaviour. It can trigger a range of distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. Family members may feel compelled to shield the alcoholic from the consequences of their drinking, which is known as "enabling". This can include hiding alcohol bottles, taking over their responsibilities, or providing financial assistance. While this may be done with good intentions, enabling ultimately delays the alcoholic from facing the full impact of their actions and seeking help.

It is crucial for family members to understand that they are not responsible for the alcoholic's behaviour or for "saving" them. Instead, they can offer support by helping the alcoholic address the underlying issues that led to their drinking. This may involve encouraging healthier coping mechanisms for stress, boredom, anxiety, or loneliness. Family members must also prioritise self-care and set boundaries to maintain their own physical and mental well-being during their loved one's recovery journey. Support groups such as Al-Anon and Alateen can provide valuable support and guidance for family members affected by a loved one's alcohol abuse.

Alcohol use disorder can be challenging to overcome, and it is important to recognise that it affects both the alcoholic and those around them. By understanding the impact on families, loved ones can play a supportive role in the alcoholic's recovery while also taking care of their own well-being. Seeking professional help and support is a crucial step towards addressing alcohol abuse and addiction.

cyalcohol

Spotting the signs: Alcoholism may manifest in stress-drinking, relationship issues, and neglecting responsibilities

Alcoholism can manifest in various ways, and it's important to be able to spot the signs to help yourself or a loved one. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is defined by how drinking affects one's life, rather than the amount consumed. Here are some signs to look out for:

Stress-drinking

Stress-drinking is a common way for people to cope with difficult feelings or life events. Alcohol is a depressant that affects the brain's inhibition, providing a short-lived feeling of relaxation, confidence, and reduced anxiety. However, these effects quickly wear off, leading to more negative feelings. If you notice that you or a loved one is drinking to relieve stress, deal with difficulties, or avoid feeling bad, it may be a sign of a drinking problem.

Relationship issues

Alcohol abuse doesn't just affect the drinker; it also impacts their relationships. Alcohol misuse can lead to social problems, including relationship breakups, family strife, financial difficulties, and legal issues. If a loved one's drinking is causing problems in your relationship or disrupting family life, it may be a sign of alcoholism.

Neglecting responsibilities

Alcoholism can cause individuals to neglect their responsibilities, whether that's at work, home, or in their personal lives. If you notice that a loved one is struggling to fulfil their obligations due to their drinking, it may be a sign of alcohol use disorder.

It's important to remember that recovery from alcohol use disorder is a journey, and seeking support is crucial. While you may want to help a loved one struggling with alcoholism, it's important to set boundaries and not enable their drinking. Enabling behaviour includes shielding them from the consequences, such as hiding alcohol, taking over their responsibilities, or providing financial assistance due to their drinking. Instead, help them address the underlying problems that led to drinking and encourage healthier coping mechanisms.

cyalcohol

Enabling vs. helping: Shielding an alcoholic from consequences is enabling, not helping

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or "alcohol use disorder", affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be difficult to know how to help an alcoholic, and it's important to distinguish between supporting and enabling. Enabling someone with an addiction refers to giving that person the means to continue their substance use disorder. Enabling behaviours can remove the desire to seek treatment.

Enabling behaviours can include:

  • Giving or loaning the person money, which may enable them to continue buying alcohol or drugs
  • Paying off their debts
  • Taking over their responsibilities, such as calling their boss when they are too hungover to go to work
  • Making excuses for their behaviour to criminal justice authorities, employers, friends, or family members
  • Shielding the person from the consequences of their drinking, such as hiding or dumping bottles

Helping behaviours, on the other hand, include:

  • Holding the person accountable for their behaviour
  • Helping them find healthier ways to cope with stress or rebound from setbacks without relying on alcohol
  • Encouraging the person to address the underlying problems that led to their drinking
  • Providing emotional support and letting the person know you will be there for them when they decide to get sober or seek treatment

It's important to remember that you cannot change the alcoholic in your life, but you can change how you behave and react to them. Setting clear boundaries is crucial, such as not allowing alcohol or drug use around you or in your home. While it may be difficult to watch a loved one struggle with addiction, it's important to let them face the consequences of their actions so that they can recognise the impact of their addiction and take steps towards recovery.

cyalcohol

Setting boundaries: You can't control an alcoholic's behaviour, but you can decide what behaviour to accept

Alcohol abuse and addiction can affect not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be distressing to witness a loved one's drinking and the deterioration of your relationship with them. It can be tempting to try to protect your loved one from the consequences of their drinking, but this is enabling, not helping. Enabling behaviours include giving financial help, covering for them or making excuses for their behaviour, and taking over their responsibilities. Enabling delays their decision to get help and allows them to continue their addiction without being held responsible for their actions.

It is important to set boundaries and decide what behaviour you will or will not accept in your life. A boundary needs to be serious and firm, but that does not mean that it has to be threatening. For example, saying "I will not have drinking in my home" is setting a boundary. You cannot control whether a loved one quits drinking or not, but you can decide what kind of behaviour you will accept.

It is also important to remember that you are not your loved one's therapist. You can encourage them to find healthier ways of coping with life's problems without leaning on alcohol, but you cannot monitor their behaviour around the clock or make all their decisions for them. Their recovery can be a long process, so you need to maintain a balance in your life. Schedule time into your day for relaxing, maintaining your own health, and doing the things you enjoy.

In the workplace, supervisors have a responsibility to deal with performance or conduct problems related to alcohol. This may include holding the employee accountable, referring them to the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), and taking disciplinary action. However, it is important for supervisors to avoid enabling behaviour, such as adjusting the employee's work schedule to accommodate their drinking.

cyalcohol

Seeking support: Support groups like Al-Anon can help families affected by alcoholism

Alcohol abuse and addiction can affect not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be distressing to witness a loved one's drinking and the deterioration of your relationship with them. Support groups like Al-Anon can help families affected by alcoholism.

Al-Anon is one of the oldest and largest support groups worldwide for friends and family of alcoholics. It is a fellowship group designed to help people affected by a loved one's drinking behaviour. The support group is commonly referred to as the Al-Anon Family Group. Al-Anon recognises alcoholism as a family disease and is committed to helping family members and friends cope with a loved one's heavy drinking.

Al-Anon meetings are held in person, over the phone, and online, making them accessible to anyone. These meetings are focused on helping those affected by a loved one's drinking behaviour. Members' anonymity and privacy are respected at Al-Anon meetings, and members are not allowed to share the names of others in the group. A 12-step reading usually begins each meeting, and members share their personal experiences, times of strength, and feelings of hope. With the knowledge gained from these meetings, members can encourage their loved ones to seek help and achieve sobriety.

Alateen is another support group for teens and young adults who have watched family members or friends struggle with an alcohol use disorder. Alateen encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counsellors, and youth support groups.

Calorie Count: Grain Alcohol Shots

You may want to see also

Frequently asked questions

No, it is not your fault. Alcohol abuse and addiction, also known as "alcohol use disorder", affects not just the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for diagnosing alcoholism or alcohol use disorder in your loved one.

Alcohol use disorder is characterised by changes in mood and behaviour, including craving alcohol, continuing to drink despite negative consequences, drinking more than intended, spending a lot of time drinking or recovering from hangovers, and repeatedly failing to meet obligations. If you think your loved one may have an alcohol problem, it is important to encourage them to seek help and support.

It is important not to enable your loved one's drinking. Enabling includes ignoring their behaviour, giving them financial help, covering for them, or taking over their responsibilities. Instead, help them address the underlying problems that led to their drinking and encourage them to find healthier ways of coping with stress and life's problems. Set boundaries and let them know what kind of behaviour you will not accept in your life.

It is important to remember that you cannot control whether your loved one quits drinking or not. You can, however, encourage them to seek help and support, and set boundaries to take care of yourself. You can also seek support for yourself by attending support groups such as Al-Anon or contacting the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline.

Written by
Reviewed by
Share this post
Print
Did this article help you?

Leave a comment